As you may have noticed we make quite a deal of the fact that our videos have had a lot of views online.
Here, in this article, we’re going to break down, step by step how we managed to get over 50 million views of our videos for clients. Read on to find out how you can reach similar levels of exposure for your own video content.
Let me tell you, this article isn’t really going to do any of that, it’s going to meander hither and yon and it’s going to break out into this frankly bizarre short story that has literally nothing to do with the title of the article whatsoever. There’s parts of this article, hell, even I don’t know what they’re about and I wrote it. But crucially… Crucially, you’re still going to read it, I guarantee that.
You know why?
Because right now a virus has installed itself into your computer/phone/tablet. It’s searching Black Mirror-stylee through all your unpublished holiday pictures, it’s finding the very worst ones and it’s tee-ing them up to auto tweet to all of your co-workers, line managers and the last five crushes you had.
You remember your last crush don’t you? His/her name was Hubert/Miranda and they had that dreamy look about them didn’t they?
You know those pictures you didn’t upload to the Facebook album Prague ‘15 because you looked terrible in them?
Those ones where you were like… half blinking and had that open-mouthed gormless expression?
Look this is like you, and your terrible holiday picture except because this is a stock image obvs everyone in it is photogenic as heck.
Those were some damn terrible photos of you, mate.
Hubert/Miranda not gonna like those so much are they?
So, stick with this I’m gonna tell you a little story which has absolutely nothing to do with the headline whatsoever but you gotta read it to get to the actual information the click-bait title of this article suggested was forthcoming.
Listen, I know we live in a frenzied society where everyone thinks they can get what they want as soon as they want it. Well, not here.
If you hit the back button or scroll straight to the bottom without reading it all… Those pictures get unleashed to the world.
If you imagine this woman looking wicked panicked that’s like you when this virus of mine takes hold. (incidentally, did no one notice the computer is actually turned off? Why is that?!
Just remember, just remember that now.
…Anyhoo! Story time! Have you ever used the expression, “tell, me more, I’m all ears”? Well, if so this story is for you.
Pentonville – The Man Made Of Ears
The doctor peered into the cot and frowned, he’d never seen anything like it before. A registrar looked on too, her mouth and eyes running a close competition to see which could be the wider agape.
A boy made entirely of ears.
His buggy had been left on the steps of the QMC
…And then a pen dropped – clattering down the steps.
…And then the baby screamed, the noise must have sounded thunderous to him.
The baby was taken inside and precautions were made, cotten wool was applied to all visitors’ feet. The machine that went PING had a muffler put on it, now it just went ping. Like, the ping before but in lower case letters to denote less loud of a noise.
All they found in the cot was a visitor pass to Pentonville prison, the only clue to the baby’s past.
Although an unusual name that’s what they decided to call him: Pentonville, the baby made of ears.
Pentonville didn’t have the easiest time in life. Every noise amplified a hundred-fold, he walked around with his hands over his ears. Constantly. Only, he only had two hands and lots and lots and lots of ears.
Okay, I just typed ‘man made of ears’ into the search bar on a stock image library and this is what came up. Obvs, this is NOT a man made from ears. Why… Why did I ever think a free stock image library would have such a thing, they barely have any of the comparatively normal stuff I blog about half the time… Gracious
In fact, you could even say he was all ears.
…A pneumatic drill a street away sent him into tinnitus-meltdown.
…A car alarm near the park and he was unable to sleep, pacing his room wrapped up his ear-body in his heavily-togged duvet.
He found it hard to make friends, did Pentonville. As nice as people were to his face, he heard the things they said about him behind his back (but of course he did): Freak. Monster. Creature.
He took increasing solace in his own company. Things were grave indeed.
It was one of those nights he heard it – thieves conspiring. He heard it from streets away and was the only one that knew. Pentonville pulled his heightened senses around him, around him like an overcoat which always keeps out the cold, and stepped out. Towards the thieves.
A quick tussle later and it was all over: the would-be robbers gone, the elderly lady safe.
Pentonville beamed with joy – he’d found his calling.
From thereon in Pentonville had found a new lease of life. It started with the council, Pentonville headed up noise complaints: A party too loud? Arguments too noisy? They didn’t even need to send anyone round – Pentonville put one of his many ears to the ground and listened… Just listened. From there it was the police. Undercover officers didn’t need a wire with Pentonville in a truck outside, listening rapt with attention.
Pentonville’s vertiginous rise saw him foil terrorist plots, corporate espionage and high treason.
An ear for languages? Pentonville had hundreds, by the time he’d blown out the candles on his 40th birthday cake he could speak 20 fluently and understand 14 more. He translated at the highest levels of the United Nations.
But he was all ears in both senses too, If you spoke softly enough he would always listen. They say you have two ears and one mouth for a reason and this was especially true with Pentonville, he was a thoughtful reflective man, quick to praise and slow to judge.
At his retirement ceremony he had a special request – that no one clap unless he be deafened, duly every single officer there mimed their clapping. Doing the clapping motion but not actually touching their palms together (which looked frickin’ ridiculous, if I’m honest, but seemed to please Pentonville)
After that, it was the near-silence of the Scottish Highlands for ol’ Penty, where he saw out the rest of his days in peace.
For there was ne’er a story of so much cheer
than that of Pentonville, the man made of ear…(s).
…There, we got through that okay didn’t we? That wasn’t that bad was it?
This dude is screaming like you’re probably gonna scream when you realise you just read a whole story about a dude made out of ears for no good reason.
Nearly done now, what else, ah yes that.. That being: the actual reason you’re reading this article in the first place and put up with thinly veiled threats of photographic humiliation and just plain surreal stories about Ear Men.
How did we get all those millions of hits on our video content for clients? It wasn’t by using a gosh darn phone that’s for sure.
Well, I’ve already drawn it out over the past 1000-or-so words, but – you gon have to dig a little deeper to find those video content secrets – it’s buried somewhere on this webpage.
It could be in the code, or the heavily key-worded alt tags of the images but it is here. I promise.
The secret to getting millions of views, it’s here… Somewhere…
And don’t you worry, your terrible holiday pictures are safe with me, but, just to be sure it might be a good idea to go follow us on all our various social channels. And if you happen to have any video content needs do tell.